Life According to Karim

Although my first experience in this world can’t be described as negative, I can’t hide my extreme surprise at the strangeness of people and the lack of experience of my parents! What have these two been doing for all these months to prepare for my coming? Mom has done the big part of course, and dad seems to have postponed it as always to the last two weeks. Too bad for him; I came two weeks earlier than what the lousy doctor determined, as if she could now when I’m due!! “Due” Am I a bill or an installment that should be paid? What a poor bunch of beings are these people.

Now, my parents are doing what they think is their best. They don’t sleep much. They try to fulfill my needs, which–I have to say–are very minimal. But, I still can’t understand why they haven’t had a deeper look at the tons of books they rented or bought. One book enough. Just read it!!

When they hold me so fearfully, when they claim to be tender but–in fact–hurt my neck so much, when they wait until the moment I announce my absolute outrage to feed me, when they start changing diapers without having the proper cloths ready and even without pre-opening the wipe box, I express my anger, but I pity their unpreparedness. I hope they do better before affecting my neurological system, hopefully not affecting me physically as well. And i cry and laugh when they are surprised by the fountain coming out of me when they change me and expose me to a sudden cold or wet surface; what do you expect!! Why don’t you cover me as per books?

I can’t really understand my father. I think we will soon have some serious confrontation there. He tries to be nice, but keeps gazing at me and thinking of all kinds of theories about purity, simplicity, peacefulness, giving, and receiving. Man! Go do something useful. We can philosophize later, but go read a couple of books on how to handle me. Try to understand my language and needs before you mess it up.

What can I say: “God help my parents”; they need to learn a lot about this life.

My dear next sibling, I already tell you: You’re lucky! They are experimenting on me!